


Starved

by DestinyLeane



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-13 20:11:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21003482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestinyLeane/pseuds/DestinyLeane
Summary: Steven has to have a talk with Spinel about her less than ideal methods of dealing with stress.(TW for binge/purge eating and self harm)





	Starved

"We're out of food already?" Pearl sighed as she opened the fridge. Steven nodded discontent as his stomach grumbled for some kind of relief. 

"I'll make a list." He replied dejected by the concept of having to wait, he could go get fry bits, but he had been sustaining himself on fries and donuts for the last few days due to the consistent shortage they were finding themselves in. 

"Amethyst, you're not sneaking food are you?" He asked, turning to his purple friend as she sat on the counter. 

"What?! No!" She groaned, also upset by the lack of food. Steven sighed, pulling out a pen and paper to start his list for groceries. 

"You don't have to lie you know." He remarked softly, hoping she would at least somewhat admit to eating everything in the house.   
Amethyst dropped down from the counter with a scoff. 

"I'm not eating all the food so stop blaming me for it and we can go get more!" She huffed, making her way toward the door. 

This had become an ongoing occurrence, they would leave for a mission, or simply leave for the day and come back with no food in the house at all, it was becoming a nuisance to buy groceries every day and Steven was tired of eating as poorly as he had been. 

He turned to Spinel who sat quietly on the couch, thinking to herself. 

"We'll be back in a bit, can you manage by yourself?" Steven asked, the pink gems head shot up and she glanced at the clock, not looking too excited about their departure. It was for the best though, right?   
If she stayed here then Steven would think she was doing well, being alone and being okay. She had to keep him thinking that.   
He would be upset if he found out she wasn't. He would be mad. 

"Yeah, I think I'll be fine." She lied with a small smile. Steven nodded, though, he seemed to see through her discomfort. 

"You can come if you want." He replied, expecting her to jump up and hug him with a fervent yes. 

"No, it's okay..." Spinel's voice was quiet as she answered, but she smiled once more at him. "I gotta get better ya know?" 

Steven let out a sigh, he didn't want to push her to stay, but she said she was comfortable staying, so it was fine. She would be fine and she had been doing good so far.   
Less hair pulling, for sure. 

"Okay, well see you later." He answered, only somewhat content with her decision.   
Steven, Pearl and Amethyst made their way to the porch, leaving Spinel inside the home, sitting on the couch. Alone. 

She stared at the clock, watching as the agonizingly slow minutes passed before she couldn't take the sitting and the stillness and the silence any longer. 

The gem shot up from her seat and immediately began pacing. Her hands lowering and raising as she fought the urge to pull at her hair. 

"It's fine, it's only for a little while, it's fine!" She told herself, moving into the kitchen and walking in circles around the island. It wasn't fine, he was mad, he was upset at her and he didn't even know it.   
She opened the fridge, searching for a stash of food she had hidden deep inside, a couple slices of cheese. Good enough.   
The gem pulled the cheese out and choved it in her mouth, wrapping and all in effort to distract herself from her growing anxiety. 

"Okay, just that- no more." She confirmed, closing the door and making her way up to Steven's room. She paced in his room now, sitting on the bed for a moment and taking in a deep breath. 

"It's fine, see? I can be alone." She remarked, glancing at the photos on his dresser and shelves. She groaned in discomfort, the nagging lies slowly sinking into the dark abyss of her thoughts.   
He's gonna be so mad. They all are, when they find out- they might..she closed her eyes, hunching over and holding her head in her hands as she fought against her whirling thoughts. 

"No, no, no ,no! Don't think like that- they won't leave you just stop freaking out!" She chided, the darkness grew despite her efforts, creeping up her spine and taking hold in her head. Her grip tightened around her face, clawing into her skin as she tried to hold it at bay. It didn't work. 

"They could..they could be so mad that they leave me- they will be mad, oh no." She moaned softly, catching sight of a granola bar on Steven's night stand, she grabbed it and bit into it, hoping the sweet and salty taste would alleviate the churning of her stomach. She opened his drawer, finding more. A secret stash she wasn't aware he had. She ate another. And another, not even taking the time to unwrap them as she frantically consumed all the supply he had stored.   
She reached down, searching for another only to hit the bottom of the drawer. 

Spinel's eyes widened as fear and guilt began to creep up her back and prickle her skin. She ate all of them. At least fifty of the bars and she ate every last one. 

"Oh no.." she whispered, unable to halt her desperate urge to tear at herself, he stomach continued to churn.   
Her face contorted as she realized her grave mistake. The gem stood up and abruptly sprinted downstairs just as Steven entered with his bags of groceries. The sight forced her to freeze as he met eyes with her. 

Steven's shocked and confused face slowly began to be overcome with concern. Spinel let out a small whimper before her feet carried her into the bathroom. She slammed the door shut and slid down to the floor, tears beginning to bubble in her eyes. 

Steven dropped his bags where he stood and followed the gem, knocking gently on the bathroom. 

"Spinel?" His voice was soft and filled with concern and ut made her want to wretch, the guilt panted her stomach and she felt the sudden urge to purge all her mistakes.   
She crawled from the doorway to the toilet and promptly vomited all the contents of her stomach into the bowl.

Steven's eyes widened as he heard the pink gem quietly hack and wretch. Had she been the one eating all the food? The whole time?   
Because he had left her at home?   
He thought about it, come to think of it, every time they ran put of food it was after leaving Spinel behind.   
In her efforts to placate him she'd inadvertently worsened.   
This wasn't going to work. 

"Spinel, you've been eating all the food haven't you?" Steven asked, gently resting his head against the door to hear her answer. 

Spinel looked up from her partially digested food toward the door, her heart sinking as she heard his question.   
He was going to chastise her, she knew it. He was going to yell at her and send her away and never talk to her ever again. 

Steven slowly opened the door, startling the pink gem that sulked in her guilt and misery inside.   
Her head shot up at the noise, but she quickly looked away, sitting on the floor in a heap of overly relaxed limbs, shame hanging over her like a dark cloud. She expected him to start yelling, or shaking her in anger, but he didn't.   
The boy simply came closer, holding out his hand to help her stand. 

She hesitated, unprepared for what he would do next, but her hand raised and she grabbed it, slowly standing to face him. Though, she couldn't face him.   
Steven's hand rubbed her back and he slowly walked her out of the bathroom to his room, sitting her on his bed for a talk he desperately needed to have with her. 

Spinel dreaded the silence, from every second it took for them to move to his room, to the wry moments he stood in front of her, trying to find his words. She had her eyes cletched shut, tensing herself for his stern words. 

"You're not getting better, are you?" He said, she flinched at the disappointment in his voice. Steven sighed, not entirely ready to say what he wanted to. 

"Spinel, I wish you would have told me that being alone was so hard for you." He sat down next to her, she moved her arms away from him, trying not to touch him. 

"I just.." her voice was small and soft and she barely had the courage to finish. "Want you to be proud.." 

It wasn't exactly what she intended to say, but it was close enough, she thought.   
Steven didn't seem to think so. 

"I don't like seeing you hurting yourself." He sighed, looking at her, she lowered her head, her eyes flickering toward him before darting back to the floor. 

"Its just food." She replied softly.   
Steven's hand moved to hers, gently resting a top it. 

"That's still hurting yourself." He sucked in a breath, knowing his next words would cut deep. "Pulling hair, and hitting and eating too much...trying to poof." 

Spinel sunk further into her self, not wanting to hear him, not wanting to face all the ways she tried to alleviate her bad thoughts.   
His hand gripped hers tightly, he could barely hold back his tears, but he had to continue. To make her know. 

"That's hurting yourself, Spinel." 

The gem squirmed uncomfortably next to him, slowly sinking into a puddle of quiet tears and limbs as she slid off his bed and onto the floor. 

"I'm sorry." Her voice cracked as she spoke, her body trembling when she pulled in a small gasp.   
Steven knew she was sorry.   
She likely felt more guilt and shame at her self inflicted torment than he could comprehend but he knew that she probably couldn't stop herself either.   
That she moved to binging because he told her to stop hurting herself. 

He wanted her to stop, he wanted to tell her that seeing her hurt herself hurt him, that it made his heart break. 

"I want.." he couldn't tell her to stop for him. It would only make things worse. 

"I want you to talk to me, Spinel." Steven whispered, the gem opened her watery eyes for a brief moment, looking up at him from her puddle on the floor. 

"I want you to tell me when you're feeling like..." saying the words hurt, "hurting yourself." 

Steven slid down from his bed and gently cupped her face in his hands, holding up her head so he could see her eyes, know she was listening. 

"So I can help you. We can get through this." His words were soft and he stared at her, waiting for an answer, she tried to shake her head, but couldn't muster the energy. 

"I'll do the hardest part with you."


End file.
